August 27, 2007

Yo Vanilla

(Remastered and re-released from the vaults.)

Yo, Vanilla:

Our high school chemistry teacher wants our class to create some sort of project in which the experimental subject (a human subject, no less!) becomes luminescent while "flowing" (his words) through the air. Supposedly, this subject will never stop flowing and glowing. The only pieces of equipment he's allowing us to use are one microphone, stagelights, and one candle.

We have no idea where to begin, and the project is worth 50 percent of our grade. Our teacher hasn't given us any type of rubric, practical knowledge relating to this project, or advice or help of any sort.

We were thinking of working together on this project; should we? Do you know of any similar successful projects? If you do know of such a project, what happens to the experimental subject? Will he or she continue to flow and glow? Please be specific as to exactly what happens. Passing this class depends on you!

--Mr. Iannetta's AP Chemistry Class

All right, stop. Collaborate and listen. Ice is back with a brand new invention. Something grabs a hold of me tightly, flow like a harpoon daily and nightly. Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know. Turn off the lights, and I glow. To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal, light up a stage, and wax a chump like a candle.

Yo, Vanilla:

I live in a college dorm, and the people who live in the room below me are always playing their music so loudly I can hear it through the floor. I've called them on the phone and told them in person to please turn down their music, but these things only caused them to boom their music more loudly. They even boom it at night and prevent me from getting any sleep!

What can I do to make them turn their music down? And why does my brain feel so numb lately? Would it be some kind of crime for them to turn down their music a little?

--Dorm Rat

Dance. Bumrush the speaker that booms. I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom. Deadly, when I play a dope melody. Anything less than the best is a felony.

Yo, Vanilla:

My boyfriend of eight months always tells me he loves me, but in the same breath he tells me he wants to leave me. I look into his eyes, and I can't tell if he's playing or not. I love him, and I don't want to leave him, but sometimes I think I should. I really don't know what I should do anymore. His words and actions confuse me.

What should I do? Is he only playing when he says these things?


Love it or leave it. You better gain way. Better hit bullseye. The kid don't play.

Yo, Vanilla:

Did you stop?

--The V.I.P.

No, I just drove by.