41. Public Enemy - Fear of a Black Planet
In truth, P.E. never made a perfect album. Important? Innovative? Mind-blowing? Yes. Shocking? Scary? Provocative? Sure. So, even as I quibble with album lengths and Flavor Flav (a rapper much cooler in concept than sound), I know there’s much more to love than to dislike: Lessons in history, sociology, politics. The loudest, craziest, most sample-licious beats. Chuck D’s booming baritone flow. An album, an experience, that changed this white boy’s life. And Flavor? Fine. The jester breathes fire, damning 911 operators as Chuck damns everything else. The standard to which all rappers should aspire, of which P.E. itself falls short.
42. Coldplay - Parachutes
A funny thing happened when I tried to write a novel: My narrator turned me on to this album. I already owned it, I already liked it, but somehow I decided my narrator loved it. In fact, he played it whenever he wrote, so I started to play it whenever I wrote. A cup of coffee, my favorite chair, and quiet, pretty, ethereal anthems, pretty much every day for a year. The character was already a stand-in for me – and then I became a stand-in for him. Truth is always stranger than fiction, unless that truth contains melody and atmosphere.
43. Beastie Boys - Check Your Head
Really, the Beasties’ third debut album, or at least their second reinvention, this album is the first where they sounded like grownups. That’s probably the reason I love it today. Regrettably, however, my fandom is retrograde: I claimed to hate rap in my post-grunge youth – even rap made by nerdy, whiny white boys – so I missed my chance to grow up with these boys. In college, when I finally realized what I’d missed – and realized my ignorance, stupidity, etc. – they’d long since discovered love and spirituality, in addition to videos chockablock with robots. Hence, their music has aged very well.
44. John Mayer - Heavier Things
For the first time ever, an artist truly spoke for me, or at least for the way I wanted to appear: confident but full of questions, knowing there’s something greater than myself, fearing I’ll never discover my purpose. It also helped that I viewed him as a peer, similar in age and singing poppy tunes. (His were better and bluesier than mine.) This album was something to share with my friends, a classic we envied but also admired. Basically, it dropped at the perfect time and place, starting my shift from hard to soft, admittedly making me boring and old.
45. Prince - Purple Rain
Here’s my dilemma: Music or history? Criticism or autobiography? Prince’s success or my elusive searching? I bought this tape the same year as Tapestry, not that it matters, really, at all, except to me, or maybe to you, as each new album, experience, etc., teaches and changes its listeners forever, always adding, never subtracting, notes and quotes and theories on art, discussion topics for fans and friends (one of whom wrote his thesis on the guy)... Can I just say these songs are catchy – and even though they’re in my life now, I really regret those years when they weren’t?
46. Van Halen - Van Halen
Oh, to be sixteen again, discovering the music of teenage boys everywhere, blasting this album in bedrooms and cars – the most exciting thing to happen in those places – rocking out on air guitar in homage to my hero, knowing that music has never sounded better – or louder, at least, and faster! faster!! faster!!! Praise be to Eddie, like Jimmy before him, and Jimi before him, and other guitar gods and magazine cover boys, who gave me their religion, the one I still practice, playing my guitar and this album even now, admittedly worshiping crappier deities. Oh, to not be old!
47. Tori Amos - Under the Pink
I know this guy who’s in a cult. He shares his religion with everyone he meets, giving them lectures, CDs, and books. He goes to these rallies with thousands of people, waiting in line for the chance to see his priestess, conjuring spirits, speaking in tongues. And he wonders why people don’t want to listen, devoting whole days to just one voice, finding her influence in every other woman? He must’ve forgotten his first scared impression, finding his roommate’s bootleg collection, before he developed his own sick obsession. He listens, sings, loves, quotes: "Need a woman to look after you?"
48. Nellie McKay - Get Away From Me
"When my buddy Matty G said, ‘Matt, I’m gonna marry her,’ I thought he was just a delusional fan, kinda like me at ten or eleven, telling my friends I would marry Nancy Drew. (Pause for laughter.) But Matt was serious. And twenty-five years old. (More laughter.) Of course, I had a crush on Nellie myself – I even introduced her – but how can you not when she’s so darn adorable? She sings, she raps, she plays the piano. She even has beef with Norah Jones – even though Nellie’s a vegetarian! (Uproarious hilarity.) Actually, I love her, too. (Gasp!) To Nellie!"
49. Kanye West - Late Registration
Some days, I think I’m the best critic ever, not just of music but of anything artistic. Other days, I know I’m the best unknown writer. I’m certainly the best who lives in my apartment, which also means I’m the most egotistical, the most apt to mimic Kanye West’s delivery. If I believe it, it might come true, and I might earn the equivalent of platinum plaques and Grammys. I might create something this musically adventurous. (A book on tape with Ray Charles samples?) Even as Kanye mocks my degrees, he inspires me not to let crappy rapping stop me.
50. Flaming Lips - The Soft Bulletin
Pop Quiz
True/False
14) I only wrote this down to earn some indie cred.
15) Ha! As if. I have indie cred to spare.
16) I pretty much hate all music that’s fun.
17) These answers are true, and the earlier ones were false.
Fill In The Blank
19) "Race for the Prize" is the ____ song ever about scientists.
20) "Waitin’ for a Superman" is the ____ song ever about Superman.
Multiple Choice
21) This album sounds like:
a) being amazed.
b) reveling in one’s beautiful strangeness.
c) late nights editing my collegiate alternative newspaper.
d) nothing else I’ve ever heard.
Showing posts with label Cultural Impresario. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cultural Impresario. Show all posts
November 11, 2007
81-90: Wish You Were Here to Under My Skin
81. Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here
I liked Pink Floyd much better in high school; however, I still make time for them now, much more so than other former favorites, namely, The Doors and post-Black Album Metallica, staples of a teenage boy’s rock ‘n’ roll diet, at least those post-Black Album boys who watched The Doors and played guitar... and who was I talking about again? Pink Floyd? Perhaps their greatest strength is their music’s versatility. It’s perfect for writing or falling asleep, or any other setting where quietness reigns, but also for driving and testing new speakers – or really whenever you want to hear music.
82. Bjork - Homogenic
Bjork’s bizarre music is hard to describe, other than saying what I just said. I also could’ve said it’s poppy and catchy (at least until later, when it got too, well, Bjork-y), which happens to be the way I describe it. Sure, there are orchestras battling computers, and songs about whales and bachelorettes and blood – and that’s just one song, with its mesmerizing video – and Bjork’s own voice like a baby or a bird, screaming and cooing like no one else on Earth, passionate, powerful, barely controlled, hitting every note like a temple-stabbing icicle, albeit one that warms your heart.
83. Northern State - Dying in Stereo
Three white chicks who pass the mic, Northern State are the female Beastie Boys. Liberally educated, politically liberal, they target those rap fans who vote and volunteer. Despite their three albums being so phenomenal, they’ve only sold eighty-three copies to date – six of them to me and the other K-State Matt. Thus, this group is another that’s mine, one I promote through rantings and mixtapes. I seldom mention our parallel lives, both of us peaking in 2003: The group got profiled (briefly) in Spin, when I was somehow an intern there. I hear these girls; I think of New York.
84. Elton John - Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
This album is perfect for pizza-place jukeboxes, late-night walks to all-night diners, a random gift to your piano-playing mom...
I’m struggling here to say something new, to not repeat what I’ve written before, to maybe say something approaching concision, instead of treating every review like a sprawling double album in need of paring down, an action I’m thankful Elton didn’t take, allowing me to mimic his rollicking piano, one of the many that inspired Ben Folds, whose other awesome albums I fear won’t get reviewed, six months after I started writing, and one or two more before you’re going, "What?"
85. Stone Temple Pilots - Tiny Music
Pop Quiz
Word Problems
23) Tuesday morning. New STP! You simply can’t wait – it’s been years since Tiny Music, STP’s third, and third-greatest, album. Your favorite record store opens at 10. The trip takes 15 minutes by bicycle. Your first class starts at 11:30. Considering the store sells new and used CDs, how many minutes can you spend there, browsing?
24) The album you're buying has a number in its title. Multiply this by Tiny Music’s ranking.
25) How many people, besides yourself, actually bought their next and final album?
26) How many people, besides yourself, want them back together?
86. MC Paul Barman - Paullelujah!
Another def choice among tone-deaf English grad students, this guy boasts about having five fans. I’d like to argue here that everyone should hear him, rapping, as he does, about higher education, hot female authors, and, unfortunately, "Burping & Farting," but I realize he’s an acquired taste. For every rapped instruction on how to write a paper, there’s a wannabe zinger on gender relations: "There’s more of the same come where that come came from." There’s also a buttload of sick internal rhyme schemes – and even whole verses rapped in friggin’ palindrome. His flow is ill; the beats are, um, iller?
87. Guns N’ Roses - Use Your Illusion I & II
For sixteen long years, I’ve waited for the followup. Look for more words here in 2023.
88. Missy Elliott - Under Construction
For about two albums, I believed in Missy Elliott. Full of Far East sound effects and onomatopoeia, her songs were pushing envelopes in mailbags on the moon. Missy was fat, and she joked about it, phatly. Backwards rap she did? Yes hell! Sure, her R&B jams were wack. And her spoken-word interludes were clearly unrehearsed. But that was the whole of their ramshackle charm. Missy was throwing a party for everyone – black, white, male, female, old, young, East, Dirty South – anyone willing to giggle a little. She pretty much reinvented the album. So why don’t I buy her albums anymore?
89. Jay-Z - The Black Album
God, this dude’s a cocky bastard, telling you how dope he is in every other line. The new B.I.G., the hip-hop Michael Jordan, a bitch-free dude with ninety-nine problems... Actually, homeboy’s the hip-hop Dizzy Dean, ‘cause it ain’t braggin’ if you rap about rapping. (I’ve got ninety-nine problems, too, but baseball allusions sure ain’t one.) All this dude’s albums are perfect for businessmen; they’re self-help books on tape, with beats: "How to Make Records for Affluent People," "Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (That’s Just Nas)." This one has my favorite beats; thus, it’s my favorite to blast on my commute.
90. Avril Lavigne - Under My Skin
I’ve already written and argued this to death. I don’t care who wrote these songs. I don’t care how "authentic" they’re not. I don’t even care how annoying Avril is. All I care about is how the music sounds: well-played, well-sung, well-written (by whomever); darker in tone and subject than expected; something I love despite myself, for all the previous reasons and more. (Um, I’m a 28-year-old man. Hello?) You shouldn’t judge art for what it’s not. This album, I believe, is great for what it is. Compared to Beethoven, sure, it’s shit. Compared to Britney, it’s solid gold.
I liked Pink Floyd much better in high school; however, I still make time for them now, much more so than other former favorites, namely, The Doors and post-Black Album Metallica, staples of a teenage boy’s rock ‘n’ roll diet, at least those post-Black Album boys who watched The Doors and played guitar... and who was I talking about again? Pink Floyd? Perhaps their greatest strength is their music’s versatility. It’s perfect for writing or falling asleep, or any other setting where quietness reigns, but also for driving and testing new speakers – or really whenever you want to hear music.
82. Bjork - Homogenic
Bjork’s bizarre music is hard to describe, other than saying what I just said. I also could’ve said it’s poppy and catchy (at least until later, when it got too, well, Bjork-y), which happens to be the way I describe it. Sure, there are orchestras battling computers, and songs about whales and bachelorettes and blood – and that’s just one song, with its mesmerizing video – and Bjork’s own voice like a baby or a bird, screaming and cooing like no one else on Earth, passionate, powerful, barely controlled, hitting every note like a temple-stabbing icicle, albeit one that warms your heart.
83. Northern State - Dying in Stereo
Three white chicks who pass the mic, Northern State are the female Beastie Boys. Liberally educated, politically liberal, they target those rap fans who vote and volunteer. Despite their three albums being so phenomenal, they’ve only sold eighty-three copies to date – six of them to me and the other K-State Matt. Thus, this group is another that’s mine, one I promote through rantings and mixtapes. I seldom mention our parallel lives, both of us peaking in 2003: The group got profiled (briefly) in Spin, when I was somehow an intern there. I hear these girls; I think of New York.
84. Elton John - Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
This album is perfect for pizza-place jukeboxes, late-night walks to all-night diners, a random gift to your piano-playing mom...
I’m struggling here to say something new, to not repeat what I’ve written before, to maybe say something approaching concision, instead of treating every review like a sprawling double album in need of paring down, an action I’m thankful Elton didn’t take, allowing me to mimic his rollicking piano, one of the many that inspired Ben Folds, whose other awesome albums I fear won’t get reviewed, six months after I started writing, and one or two more before you’re going, "What?"
85. Stone Temple Pilots - Tiny Music
Pop Quiz
Word Problems
23) Tuesday morning. New STP! You simply can’t wait – it’s been years since Tiny Music, STP’s third, and third-greatest, album. Your favorite record store opens at 10. The trip takes 15 minutes by bicycle. Your first class starts at 11:30. Considering the store sells new and used CDs, how many minutes can you spend there, browsing?
24) The album you're buying has a number in its title. Multiply this by Tiny Music’s ranking.
25) How many people, besides yourself, actually bought their next and final album?
26) How many people, besides yourself, want them back together?
86. MC Paul Barman - Paullelujah!
Another def choice among tone-deaf English grad students, this guy boasts about having five fans. I’d like to argue here that everyone should hear him, rapping, as he does, about higher education, hot female authors, and, unfortunately, "Burping & Farting," but I realize he’s an acquired taste. For every rapped instruction on how to write a paper, there’s a wannabe zinger on gender relations: "There’s more of the same come where that come came from." There’s also a buttload of sick internal rhyme schemes – and even whole verses rapped in friggin’ palindrome. His flow is ill; the beats are, um, iller?
87. Guns N’ Roses - Use Your Illusion I & II
For sixteen long years, I’ve waited for the followup. Look for more words here in 2023.
88. Missy Elliott - Under Construction
For about two albums, I believed in Missy Elliott. Full of Far East sound effects and onomatopoeia, her songs were pushing envelopes in mailbags on the moon. Missy was fat, and she joked about it, phatly. Backwards rap she did? Yes hell! Sure, her R&B jams were wack. And her spoken-word interludes were clearly unrehearsed. But that was the whole of their ramshackle charm. Missy was throwing a party for everyone – black, white, male, female, old, young, East, Dirty South – anyone willing to giggle a little. She pretty much reinvented the album. So why don’t I buy her albums anymore?
89. Jay-Z - The Black Album
God, this dude’s a cocky bastard, telling you how dope he is in every other line. The new B.I.G., the hip-hop Michael Jordan, a bitch-free dude with ninety-nine problems... Actually, homeboy’s the hip-hop Dizzy Dean, ‘cause it ain’t braggin’ if you rap about rapping. (I’ve got ninety-nine problems, too, but baseball allusions sure ain’t one.) All this dude’s albums are perfect for businessmen; they’re self-help books on tape, with beats: "How to Make Records for Affluent People," "Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (That’s Just Nas)." This one has my favorite beats; thus, it’s my favorite to blast on my commute.
90. Avril Lavigne - Under My Skin
I’ve already written and argued this to death. I don’t care who wrote these songs. I don’t care how "authentic" they’re not. I don’t even care how annoying Avril is. All I care about is how the music sounds: well-played, well-sung, well-written (by whomever); darker in tone and subject than expected; something I love despite myself, for all the previous reasons and more. (Um, I’m a 28-year-old man. Hello?) You shouldn’t judge art for what it’s not. This album, I believe, is great for what it is. Compared to Beethoven, sure, it’s shit. Compared to Britney, it’s solid gold.
September 11, 2007
The First 100
Congratulations to my good friend Matt Groneman for being the first person to finish his Top 100 list! I'm only slightly jealous he beat me... by about three months. But please visit his blog, The Cultural Impresario, read his list, and argue with it. And then write your own.
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